Blog 13

Take a few minutes and watch this video:

Adoption is very close to my heart, as I was adopted myself.  There are SO many children out there that in need of a loving forever home.... so what's all the fuss from so many people about having issues with lesbian and gay couples adopting?  As we learned in this weeks lesson, children who are raised by lesbian or gay parents are NO different from children who are raised in heterosexual homes.   I came across this video clip of an interview with a lesbian couple, who already has a son and are on the waiting list for a new baby girl or boy!  The ladies in the video say that they have been extremely lucky throughout their whole relationship an through the decisions to have children together... they report having no hostility.  Why can't all lesbian and gay couples be treated with the same respect?  It takes a big heart to adopt a child.  The couple in this interview say that their motivation comes from having a family where they can offer something for a child and give them a loving home to grow up in.  Isn't that what it's all about?  Providing for and loving a child in a healthy home for the rest of their life?  So props to the community where this couple and their family live for being SO accepting of their love and their decisions.

Blog #12

I did not grow up being taught to see the color of people's skin.  It still bothers me to this day when people are judged simply because of what color their skin is.
My best friend is half white and half Mexican.  She has always dated black men, and has always been treated differently because of it.  We are from a very small southern town, where many people still uphold old southern beliefs.  My friend has been called countless names because of her past dating history...to black men.  As I pointed out she is half white and half Mexican...  If she dated a white man would she be labeled?  What if she dated a Mexican man?
I have another close friend who is black.  Everytime I have introduced her to new people they respond with "..but she's so 'White'."  (talking about the way she acts,speaks,dresses,etc.)  But what is 'white'?  and, Why is she acting in some stereotype of skin color?  Why can't she just be identified as her?

(My two amazing friends!)

I don't think this 'belief' that white women should only date white men or Asian women should only date Asian men, etc., will ever be okay with me.  The color of someone's skin should not be judged or discriminated against.  My hope is that one day everyone will take off their blinders, and only see people for who they are, who they fall in love with... not the color of their skin.

Conflict

Conflict can arise from anything at anytime between anyone!

It's one of those things that NOBODY likes, but it CAN'T be avoided.... However... it can be 'fixed'!
There are many different ways to come to some type of conclusion over conflict including negotiation, compromising, and simply talking it out.  It is very important for communication to remain open and both parties to remain calm.
In the family... it is important for Mom and Dad to settle their conflicts in a positive manner that sets a good example for their children.  Yelling and fighting may be how parents feel like dealing with conflict, but what kind of lesson does that teach the youngins?
In the work place ... it is important for colleagues to recognize that when they are resolving issues with other employees or even a boss that they are in the work place and rules need to be followed.
In any situation where conflict occurs it should be dealt with in an adult-like manner while anyone and everyone involved remains open and listens to all sides.
Solving a conflict can be a very simple task if it is gone about in the right way.


(Photo found on:  http://gayletabor.com/archives/are-your-conflicted-6-steps-to-conflict-resolution/)

Feminist Theory

Empowerment

After this weeks lecture, readings, and videos I have decided to focus this blog post on the importance of empowerment that was emphasized in both our class lecture and the lecture given by Whitney Shadowens.  Dr. Smith told us in our weekly lecture that the feminist theory is: "An analysis of women's subordination for the purpose of finding out how to change, specifically to empower women."  Whitney Shadowens made a point of how important it is for women to gain empowerment when dealing with IPV.  She told us women who are victims of IPV don't need to be told one way to fix their problems, but they need to be able to go to a safe place to talk about what they are going through and have someone listen, without giving their 'two cents'.  These victims need to given different options of changing their situation and inevitably need to choose which method works best for their individual experience.
Each and every woman is different so it is important to realize that no two women will be going through the exact victimization of IPV.  Whitney also listed different reasons of why women do not leave their abusive relationships.  Some reasons were: shame, fear, shared children, denial, and lack of financial resources.  Depending on the reason for staying, each woman will handle her situation differently.  My step-sister was unfortunately a victim of domestic violence.  She wanted to leave but two reasons kept her in the relationship.... 1) She was fearful of her safety and what might happen if she just decided to leave one day.  2)  She and her then husband have three kids together.  At the time two of their children had moved out for college and the third was a Senior in high school, still living at home.  She feared that uprooting her son or leaving her son would interfere with his final year in high school and his future in college.  She feared that her family would fall apart.  She feared that her sons might blame her for everything.
After counseling and having someone there to listen to her and give her many different options she finally gained the courage to leave her situation.  All three of her sons are in college or working now, and she is happily living on her own with no fear, no shame, and no guilt to bear every day.

(photo retrieved from: http://transgenderlawcenter.org/archives/9392)

Social Exchange Theory

   Rewards, Rewards, Rewards 

   As we all know from experience each and every one of our relationships involves a little give and a little take.  As individuals we crave rewards in our lives.  We gain these rewards by making decisions that result in happiness.  Everyone has different standards of 'rewards' and everyones standards can change with time.  All relationships come with both rewards and costs.  When we first enter into new relationships we weigh out the rewards and costs for the short term, and typically the long term as well.  Many people ask themselves if there is a chance of having a better relationship with someone else or if this is the relationship they deserve.  I want to discuss the Social Exchange Theory in relation to the beginning of a relationship using my husband and I as an example.

     I am from America and he is from England... we met while he was studying abroad at the University of Florida.  The initial thought for us both was basically is it worth it to start a relationship together knowing that after that school year he would have to return back to England (as he has one year left of school at his English university.)  We had to think if the rewards of our relationship would outweigh this particular negative cost of it.  Another thing that crossed my mind was if the relationship would be 'one way'.  I worried that when he returned to England there was a chance that I would put in all of the effort of keeping the relationship alive and making the plans to see each other (however I was wrong!).  We also had to take into account that at the end of his stay at UF would we continue our relationship in two different countries or would we just end it to save the heartache?  Would it have been a waste of a year?  We had to determine the the pros and cons of starting our relationship before we got too serious... and luckily we both decided the pros outweighed the cons and we made it official!  Here we are now as newlyweds both putting in the effort and love our relationship needs to succeed.  We have both had to make sacrifices throughout our relationship: being apart in two different countries with a five hour time difference, keeping the spark alive through the phone and video chatting, to now being in England away from friends and family, but I wouldn't want to be anywhere else.   In our unique situation the rewards of our relationship have outweighed the costs and now we are one happily married couple! 

(Our first picture together in the Swamp the week we met!)

(Every time I'm in America he randomly sends me sunflowers- my favorite! to surprise me!)

Ecological Models of Human Development

I have been in bed sick all week watching re-runs of old shows I used to love when I was growing up.  One of the shows I have been re-watching is 7th Heaven.  No matter how old I get every episode of 7th Heaven seems to teach me a lesson or open my eyes about something.  One particular episode I came across seems to tie into what we are covering in class this week.  If you have never seen 7th Heaven it is a family show about the Camden's, where dad is a Minister, and mom is a stay at home mom to five kids (two on the way at the moment).  The dad, Eric, is always 'fixing' people and their problems and they both seem to always have a 'feeling' when something is going bad.  

In the episode that ties in to this weeks lesson, Eric's son Simon is in middle school and has a new girlfriend.  His girlfriends Ex-boyfriend, Johnny, gets quite jealous and comes to Simon at school one day threatening to shoot him with a 33 special, and gestures with a fake hand gun.  At the same time there is a new video game out called BOOM BOOM that all of the kids are playing where they shoot and blow people up.  Eric calls the school about the threat and is told that nothing can be done until the next day and that he should probably not worry because 'they are only in middle school', 'it probably sparked from the video game', and he is probably just trying to 'scare Simon to break up with his girl'.  After getting a police friend involved Eric finds out that the boy Johnny has a record that the school somehow over looked.  They take a trip to Johnny's house to confront him and his parents about it only to find that Johnny lies about everything and his father denies everything.  It is evident that Johnny's father is consumed with his work and does not see that his child is struggling and does not pick up on any signs that he could hurt himself or someone else.  His room is full of warning signs like pictures of people hurting animals, dark comic books, etc.  His dad goes to meet with the school and denies everything saying they are just accusing his son for no reason, and that he has to get back to work and leaves... showing there has not been any previous parent/teacher/school board relationships.  In the end, Johnny goes the church with his fathers gun and shoots the Minister in the shoulder and running away.  The cops get him to confess and he is then sentenced to live in a juvenile type place under guidance of the law until he is 25.  

(Sorry for the long read!)  This story shows how everything in an individuals surrounding environment affects them.  If Johnny had received more attention at home or even at school from his teachers maybe this would not have happened.  If his father had been more involved in Johnny's life, less in his work like, and more with Johnny's school, maybe this would not have happened.   If Johnny had not been obsessed with the BOOM BOOM video game, maybe he would not have gotten the idea to actually play with a gun.  Now obviously this could have easily still been the outcome from Johnny, but if things played out differently in his environment and his personal life, maybe it would have been different.  

Like Branches on a Tree

Like Branches on a Tree

Ernest Burgess said that the family is a "unity of interacting personalities" in 1926.  He went on to say that the family is a living, growing "super personality".  This weeks blog will focus on these statements and how the 'whole is greater than the sum of the parts'.  The "I" in Family shows that a family is a whole but it is a whole made up by different individuals.  Every individual family member is their own person with their own personality and role in the family structure, but each individual in the family is also interdependent, depending on other family members in different ways.  The following quote is something that stood out to me for this particular theory:  

"Family is like branches on a tree, we all grow in different directions, yet our roots remain as one."

This, to me, means:  Each individual family member grows to become their own person and may go a different direction than the rest of the family, but their roots go all the way back to their family. And while they are their own person they still depend on their family member just as branches on a tree depend on the trunk and other branches.

Here is a picture of a tree:  

At first glance, we look at trees as a whole.  But take a closer look..  A tree is made up of many different branches, visible to everyone.  Each individual branch may have different leaves or be of different lengths, representing that each individual family member is different with different personalities. Underneath the ground are the trees roots, which are not visible to everyone.  These roots are tangled into one, representing the family as one whole functioning 'system'.  

A bunch of individual branches and roots make up the component parts of a tree but when they are not attached to each other they are of no significance and are dead.  However, when they are all together as a living tree, they represent wholeness....They represent the family as a whole.  

References for pictures:

http://thisistherealstuff.files.wordpress.com/2013/03/quotes-for-family.jpg

http://www.lushland.co.uk/content/image/love-tree.jpg

Stress & Coping

Disaster Stress.  

So many of are veterans return home from war zones and are diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) or Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) or both.  People diagnosed with PTSD or TBI suffer to function properly in their daily lives.  They tend to stay away from public places and keep themselves as far away from people as they can.  Anything can trigger them to relive the trauma they went through causing outbursts and irritability.  The soldier is not the only one affected but also close family members who are involved in their daily lives.  Many PTSD sufferers put themselves in a shell, so to speak, and will not come out for anyone, shutting out their spouses and children.  This causes major family stress including arguing, anxiety, and having trouble sleeping.  Soldiers will snap and yell over anything that triggers a bad memory, even just from the smell of something.  Many soldiers suffering from PTSD have nightmares and fight or attach in their sleep.  This type of stress can be dangerous for both soldiers and anyone surrounding them.

(Army Veteran Erick Scott & his Service dog Gumbo)

I just recently saw an interview with a military veteran suffering from PTSD.  He was lucky enough to get a Service dog who is trained to help in every way possible and is allowed to be with him in any public place he goes.  Service dogs have proven to help soldiers suffering with PTSD to have lowered stress levels and to overcome their fears of public places and people.  Not only does having the Service dog help the soldiers but also the family lives as well. 

Take a look at this moving story about how Service dogs can help soldiers suffering from PTSD to cope with the stress of civilian living:  Service Dog Calms Down War Vet's PTSD Reaction

Timing is Everything

The first thing that stood out in my mind when learning about this theory was that two different stages could go on at once.  My grandma and my mom always talked about how when I was born and how when most people thought I had come at the wrong time, I had really been a blessing and their angel.  Here is the story...

(Mom, my Grandpa, my Grandpa, Uncle)

My grandpa had had a stroke paralyzing his left arm and most of his movement in his left leg, along with many other healthy issues.  My grandma and mom took care of him the whole way through his illness... they were three peas in a pod.  My mom and dad were unable to have their own children and were going through the adoption process all throughout my grandpas darker days.  My grandpa passed away June 19, 1991... I was born June 22, 1991.  My grandma and my mom had to deal with the loss of a spouse and parent while also welcoming a new born granddaughter and daughter.  We then became the new three peas in a pod.

Typically these two stages are not linked together at the same time as they are so far apart on the life course, however my grandma and mom experienced it together.  My grandma had to transition from having her husband there all of the time, to not, as well as being there for her daughter.  My mom had to transition from having both parents to only one as well as having a new baby to add to the family. Families go through constant times of transition, that can be very stressful, but the times always seem to even out, back into a sense of stability.  

Mr. Mom

Mr. Mom

When learning about structural functional theory one of the reoccurring words is ‘equilibrium’.  We learned that well functioning social systems are those that are in equilibrium.  Therefore, when a family is dysfunctional the result is the family and society being thrown into disequilibrium.  Initially everything is chaos but eventually the changes become the new norm and everything is balanced again.  The book compared family equilibrium to the equilibrium of the human body.  Just like the body, families, and societies are able to evolve and adapt.

Think back to the 1950’s definition of the nuclear family and the parental roles.  The family consisted of a mother and father and their children.  Dad worked to provide for the family while Mom stayed at home to clean, cook, and raise the children.  This was the ‘norm’ for families in every society; therefore this created the family equilibrium.  As a result of social and societal upheavals, social scientists in the post-1960’s era have drawn attention to the decreasing relevance of structural functional theory as a model to explain a family dynamic. Because gender and generational norms radically changed it has been argued that this theory can no longer be applied to the majority of families. What the structural functional theory explains is that society and elements of society such as a family are “organic” and a critical feature of organisms and animals is their ability to adapt to changing environments or “equilibriums”.  So, now think of family roles in today’s society.  Some homes today consist of two working parents while some consist of a working mother and a stay at home father, so there is no longer a “typical” or “nuclear” family. Ultimately each unique family is made up of family members (organs) and each family is able to adapt and come to its own equilibrium so that they still hold characteristics and features that structural functional theory describes.

The song “Mr. Mom” by Lonestar is a perfect example of the initial family dysfunction that occurs when change happens.  The beginning of the song tells us that the dad lost his job so his wife decided to go back to work until he could find a new one.  His initial thought was excitement as he thought he would be able to hang around the house all day, take naps, and being “Mr. Mom” instead of the hard-working dad he had been.  The song continues on to tell us just how difficult he found the daily routine that his wife, the mother, goes through and how chaotic it became when he was in charge.  At the very end of the song he says to his wife, “Honey, you’re my hero”, as he realizes that she is a hard-working mother just as he is a hard-working father. 

Watch the video here:  "Mr. Mom"- Lonestar

We don’t know how this ‘story’ ends, but in essence it is telling us that when something that has been the ‘norm’ for so long is uprooted and completely changes it is inevitably going to be chaotic and dysfunctional for everyone involved.  However, eventually everything will start to balance out and seem normal and the equilibrium of the family and society comes back.

Symbolic Interactionism

S.I.

This weeks blog post will be focusing on the symbols in symbolic interactionism.  From the lecture we learned that the symbolic meaning is in our minds and is conveyed through acts, words, or object.. or basically symbols of those meanings.  We all know that a green light means go and a red light means stop.  We know that a bicyclist will extend their left arm fully out when they are indicating for a left turn.  Symbolic interactionism is everywhere, even when we don't realize it at the time.

I have two new meaning to symbolic interactionism.  

#1.  As you all know, in England, they drive on the opposite side of the car and the opposite side of the road than we do in America.  I do not know why but I have not been able to grasp the concept of the opposite side of oncoming traffic when I am crossing the street and never seem to look the right way.  My first time in London I was so excited to see that I, clearly, was not the only person who got confused as on every pedestrian crossing they have an arrow pointing to which direction you need to look for cars before crossing. 

(This & my husband holding my hand has saved me!) 

#2.  The second symbol in symbolic interactionism that is new and dear to me is the symbol of marriage through wearing wedding bands.  As I mentioned in my first blog I am a newlywed. (About a week and a half now!)  So being able to symbolize our marriage by showing our wedding rings was very excited for both me and my husband.  You can wear a ring on any finger that means absolutely nothing to the majority of the world, but in many (not all) cultures a wedding band on the left hand ring finger symbolizes that you are off the market and happily married ;)  This is a great example that symbols can be applied across many different cultures and that they give off very important information to others. 

(Our wedding bands!) 

Blog post #2

Family is Family 

Everyone has a different opinion on what the definition of family is and who is actually a family member.  I was adopted and have grown up knowing it my whole life.  I remember growing up when people at school would find out and they would say " So your mom and dad aren't your real mom and dad?"  It made me so angry because YES they are my real mom and dad and NO we are not biologically related.  I also cannot tell you how many people I have met over the years who say that they could never love an adopted child the same because it "isn't really their own".  Hate to break it to you, but my parents love me more than anything and we wouldn't change our situation for anything.

(This is a picture of me and my parents at my UF graduation last December) 

Another thing that I hold close to me is the idea of "voluntary kin".  I am an only child (although biologically I have two older brothers.. I just don't know who they are!)  and I always wanted to have a brother.  Long story short when I was in 6th grade my class adopted a soldier to send packages and letters to.  I was the only student who continued to write and send packages, and when our soldier returned home he made a trip to Florida to meet me and my mom.  We all ended up forming a special bond and he has always considered me his little sister and my mom his "other mom".  He is VERY protective of me and hated every boy I dated, until he met my now husband!  I believe that "choosing your family" is the best thing to do.  I have a very small family and without my "voluntary kin" I would be lost.

(This is a picture of my husband (left), me, and my brother Ricky!) 

Introductory Blog 1

Hi!

To start off my name is Elizabeth Estridge, but I prefer to go by Elly.  I am a first year Graduate Student, after graduating last year with my Bachelors in FYCS at UF.  I am actually getting married TOMORROW!!  My almost husband is British so I am currently in England with him.(I have attached a few pictures of us!)  He studied abroad for a year at UF, which is where we met, and he is obsessed with the gators just like me!

GO GATORS!! -- His 1st Gator game! 

LONDON! 

I am very excited to be getting married, and starting my graduate program all at once.  Once I have graduated I want to be come a teacher as well as work for a nonprofit organization that works directly with military members and their families.  I have a strong passion for helping kids in any way I can.

Every year for as long as I can remember I have either tutored kids or volunteered at different schools and even worked summer camps, so I like to consider myself a kid person.  I love getting to know each and every one on a personal basis and gaining their trust from me.  It has always interested me to see where they come from and their different backgrounds to see what may or may not have shaped who they are today.  Family theory is relevant for everyone in any career, however for my future career goals I believe family theory will help out more than some.  Being able to properly "explain" why and how things happen in an individuals life will help me to understand their struggles better and be able to work with them in a way that is needed. I decided to go to graduate school because I want to be certain that I am properly prepared for any occurrence I may have in my future career and for braving the "real world".