Social Exchange Theory

   Rewards, Rewards, Rewards 

   As we all know from experience each and every one of our relationships involves a little give and a little take.  As individuals we crave rewards in our lives.  We gain these rewards by making decisions that result in happiness.  Everyone has different standards of 'rewards' and everyones standards can change with time.  All relationships come with both rewards and costs.  When we first enter into new relationships we weigh out the rewards and costs for the short term, and typically the long term as well.  Many people ask themselves if there is a chance of having a better relationship with someone else or if this is the relationship they deserve.  I want to discuss the Social Exchange Theory in relation to the beginning of a relationship using my husband and I as an example.

     I am from America and he is from England... we met while he was studying abroad at the University of Florida.  The initial thought for us both was basically is it worth it to start a relationship together knowing that after that school year he would have to return back to England (as he has one year left of school at his English university.)  We had to think if the rewards of our relationship would outweigh this particular negative cost of it.  Another thing that crossed my mind was if the relationship would be 'one way'.  I worried that when he returned to England there was a chance that I would put in all of the effort of keeping the relationship alive and making the plans to see each other (however I was wrong!).  We also had to take into account that at the end of his stay at UF would we continue our relationship in two different countries or would we just end it to save the heartache?  Would it have been a waste of a year?  We had to determine the the pros and cons of starting our relationship before we got too serious... and luckily we both decided the pros outweighed the cons and we made it official!  Here we are now as newlyweds both putting in the effort and love our relationship needs to succeed.  We have both had to make sacrifices throughout our relationship: being apart in two different countries with a five hour time difference, keeping the spark alive through the phone and video chatting, to now being in England away from friends and family, but I wouldn't want to be anywhere else.   In our unique situation the rewards of our relationship have outweighed the costs and now we are one happily married couple! 

(Our first picture together in the Swamp the week we met!)

(Every time I'm in America he randomly sends me sunflowers- my favorite! to surprise me!)

Ecological Models of Human Development

I have been in bed sick all week watching re-runs of old shows I used to love when I was growing up.  One of the shows I have been re-watching is 7th Heaven.  No matter how old I get every episode of 7th Heaven seems to teach me a lesson or open my eyes about something.  One particular episode I came across seems to tie into what we are covering in class this week.  If you have never seen 7th Heaven it is a family show about the Camden's, where dad is a Minister, and mom is a stay at home mom to five kids (two on the way at the moment).  The dad, Eric, is always 'fixing' people and their problems and they both seem to always have a 'feeling' when something is going bad.  

In the episode that ties in to this weeks lesson, Eric's son Simon is in middle school and has a new girlfriend.  His girlfriends Ex-boyfriend, Johnny, gets quite jealous and comes to Simon at school one day threatening to shoot him with a 33 special, and gestures with a fake hand gun.  At the same time there is a new video game out called BOOM BOOM that all of the kids are playing where they shoot and blow people up.  Eric calls the school about the threat and is told that nothing can be done until the next day and that he should probably not worry because 'they are only in middle school', 'it probably sparked from the video game', and he is probably just trying to 'scare Simon to break up with his girl'.  After getting a police friend involved Eric finds out that the boy Johnny has a record that the school somehow over looked.  They take a trip to Johnny's house to confront him and his parents about it only to find that Johnny lies about everything and his father denies everything.  It is evident that Johnny's father is consumed with his work and does not see that his child is struggling and does not pick up on any signs that he could hurt himself or someone else.  His room is full of warning signs like pictures of people hurting animals, dark comic books, etc.  His dad goes to meet with the school and denies everything saying they are just accusing his son for no reason, and that he has to get back to work and leaves... showing there has not been any previous parent/teacher/school board relationships.  In the end, Johnny goes the church with his fathers gun and shoots the Minister in the shoulder and running away.  The cops get him to confess and he is then sentenced to live in a juvenile type place under guidance of the law until he is 25.  

(Sorry for the long read!)  This story shows how everything in an individuals surrounding environment affects them.  If Johnny had received more attention at home or even at school from his teachers maybe this would not have happened.  If his father had been more involved in Johnny's life, less in his work like, and more with Johnny's school, maybe this would not have happened.   If Johnny had not been obsessed with the BOOM BOOM video game, maybe he would not have gotten the idea to actually play with a gun.  Now obviously this could have easily still been the outcome from Johnny, but if things played out differently in his environment and his personal life, maybe it would have been different.  

Like Branches on a Tree

Like Branches on a Tree

Ernest Burgess said that the family is a "unity of interacting personalities" in 1926.  He went on to say that the family is a living, growing "super personality".  This weeks blog will focus on these statements and how the 'whole is greater than the sum of the parts'.  The "I" in Family shows that a family is a whole but it is a whole made up by different individuals.  Every individual family member is their own person with their own personality and role in the family structure, but each individual in the family is also interdependent, depending on other family members in different ways.  The following quote is something that stood out to me for this particular theory:  

"Family is like branches on a tree, we all grow in different directions, yet our roots remain as one."

This, to me, means:  Each individual family member grows to become their own person and may go a different direction than the rest of the family, but their roots go all the way back to their family. And while they are their own person they still depend on their family member just as branches on a tree depend on the trunk and other branches.

Here is a picture of a tree:  

At first glance, we look at trees as a whole.  But take a closer look..  A tree is made up of many different branches, visible to everyone.  Each individual branch may have different leaves or be of different lengths, representing that each individual family member is different with different personalities. Underneath the ground are the trees roots, which are not visible to everyone.  These roots are tangled into one, representing the family as one whole functioning 'system'.  

A bunch of individual branches and roots make up the component parts of a tree but when they are not attached to each other they are of no significance and are dead.  However, when they are all together as a living tree, they represent wholeness....They represent the family as a whole.  

References for pictures:

http://thisistherealstuff.files.wordpress.com/2013/03/quotes-for-family.jpg

http://www.lushland.co.uk/content/image/love-tree.jpg