Stress & Coping

Disaster Stress.  

So many of are veterans return home from war zones and are diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) or Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) or both.  People diagnosed with PTSD or TBI suffer to function properly in their daily lives.  They tend to stay away from public places and keep themselves as far away from people as they can.  Anything can trigger them to relive the trauma they went through causing outbursts and irritability.  The soldier is not the only one affected but also close family members who are involved in their daily lives.  Many PTSD sufferers put themselves in a shell, so to speak, and will not come out for anyone, shutting out their spouses and children.  This causes major family stress including arguing, anxiety, and having trouble sleeping.  Soldiers will snap and yell over anything that triggers a bad memory, even just from the smell of something.  Many soldiers suffering from PTSD have nightmares and fight or attach in their sleep.  This type of stress can be dangerous for both soldiers and anyone surrounding them.

(Army Veteran Erick Scott & his Service dog Gumbo)

I just recently saw an interview with a military veteran suffering from PTSD.  He was lucky enough to get a Service dog who is trained to help in every way possible and is allowed to be with him in any public place he goes.  Service dogs have proven to help soldiers suffering with PTSD to have lowered stress levels and to overcome their fears of public places and people.  Not only does having the Service dog help the soldiers but also the family lives as well. 

Take a look at this moving story about how Service dogs can help soldiers suffering from PTSD to cope with the stress of civilian living:  Service Dog Calms Down War Vet's PTSD Reaction

Timing is Everything

The first thing that stood out in my mind when learning about this theory was that two different stages could go on at once.  My grandma and my mom always talked about how when I was born and how when most people thought I had come at the wrong time, I had really been a blessing and their angel.  Here is the story...

(Mom, my Grandpa, my Grandpa, Uncle)

My grandpa had had a stroke paralyzing his left arm and most of his movement in his left leg, along with many other healthy issues.  My grandma and mom took care of him the whole way through his illness... they were three peas in a pod.  My mom and dad were unable to have their own children and were going through the adoption process all throughout my grandpas darker days.  My grandpa passed away June 19, 1991... I was born June 22, 1991.  My grandma and my mom had to deal with the loss of a spouse and parent while also welcoming a new born granddaughter and daughter.  We then became the new three peas in a pod.

Typically these two stages are not linked together at the same time as they are so far apart on the life course, however my grandma and mom experienced it together.  My grandma had to transition from having her husband there all of the time, to not, as well as being there for her daughter.  My mom had to transition from having both parents to only one as well as having a new baby to add to the family. Families go through constant times of transition, that can be very stressful, but the times always seem to even out, back into a sense of stability.  

Mr. Mom

Mr. Mom

When learning about structural functional theory one of the reoccurring words is ‘equilibrium’.  We learned that well functioning social systems are those that are in equilibrium.  Therefore, when a family is dysfunctional the result is the family and society being thrown into disequilibrium.  Initially everything is chaos but eventually the changes become the new norm and everything is balanced again.  The book compared family equilibrium to the equilibrium of the human body.  Just like the body, families, and societies are able to evolve and adapt.

Think back to the 1950’s definition of the nuclear family and the parental roles.  The family consisted of a mother and father and their children.  Dad worked to provide for the family while Mom stayed at home to clean, cook, and raise the children.  This was the ‘norm’ for families in every society; therefore this created the family equilibrium.  As a result of social and societal upheavals, social scientists in the post-1960’s era have drawn attention to the decreasing relevance of structural functional theory as a model to explain a family dynamic. Because gender and generational norms radically changed it has been argued that this theory can no longer be applied to the majority of families. What the structural functional theory explains is that society and elements of society such as a family are “organic” and a critical feature of organisms and animals is their ability to adapt to changing environments or “equilibriums”.  So, now think of family roles in today’s society.  Some homes today consist of two working parents while some consist of a working mother and a stay at home father, so there is no longer a “typical” or “nuclear” family. Ultimately each unique family is made up of family members (organs) and each family is able to adapt and come to its own equilibrium so that they still hold characteristics and features that structural functional theory describes.

The song “Mr. Mom” by Lonestar is a perfect example of the initial family dysfunction that occurs when change happens.  The beginning of the song tells us that the dad lost his job so his wife decided to go back to work until he could find a new one.  His initial thought was excitement as he thought he would be able to hang around the house all day, take naps, and being “Mr. Mom” instead of the hard-working dad he had been.  The song continues on to tell us just how difficult he found the daily routine that his wife, the mother, goes through and how chaotic it became when he was in charge.  At the very end of the song he says to his wife, “Honey, you’re my hero”, as he realizes that she is a hard-working mother just as he is a hard-working father. 

Watch the video here:  "Mr. Mom"- Lonestar

We don’t know how this ‘story’ ends, but in essence it is telling us that when something that has been the ‘norm’ for so long is uprooted and completely changes it is inevitably going to be chaotic and dysfunctional for everyone involved.  However, eventually everything will start to balance out and seem normal and the equilibrium of the family and society comes back.

Symbolic Interactionism

S.I.

This weeks blog post will be focusing on the symbols in symbolic interactionism.  From the lecture we learned that the symbolic meaning is in our minds and is conveyed through acts, words, or object.. or basically symbols of those meanings.  We all know that a green light means go and a red light means stop.  We know that a bicyclist will extend their left arm fully out when they are indicating for a left turn.  Symbolic interactionism is everywhere, even when we don't realize it at the time.

I have two new meaning to symbolic interactionism.  

#1.  As you all know, in England, they drive on the opposite side of the car and the opposite side of the road than we do in America.  I do not know why but I have not been able to grasp the concept of the opposite side of oncoming traffic when I am crossing the street and never seem to look the right way.  My first time in London I was so excited to see that I, clearly, was not the only person who got confused as on every pedestrian crossing they have an arrow pointing to which direction you need to look for cars before crossing. 

(This & my husband holding my hand has saved me!) 

#2.  The second symbol in symbolic interactionism that is new and dear to me is the symbol of marriage through wearing wedding bands.  As I mentioned in my first blog I am a newlywed. (About a week and a half now!)  So being able to symbolize our marriage by showing our wedding rings was very excited for both me and my husband.  You can wear a ring on any finger that means absolutely nothing to the majority of the world, but in many (not all) cultures a wedding band on the left hand ring finger symbolizes that you are off the market and happily married ;)  This is a great example that symbols can be applied across many different cultures and that they give off very important information to others. 

(Our wedding bands!) 

Blog post #2

Family is Family 

Everyone has a different opinion on what the definition of family is and who is actually a family member.  I was adopted and have grown up knowing it my whole life.  I remember growing up when people at school would find out and they would say " So your mom and dad aren't your real mom and dad?"  It made me so angry because YES they are my real mom and dad and NO we are not biologically related.  I also cannot tell you how many people I have met over the years who say that they could never love an adopted child the same because it "isn't really their own".  Hate to break it to you, but my parents love me more than anything and we wouldn't change our situation for anything.

(This is a picture of me and my parents at my UF graduation last December) 

Another thing that I hold close to me is the idea of "voluntary kin".  I am an only child (although biologically I have two older brothers.. I just don't know who they are!)  and I always wanted to have a brother.  Long story short when I was in 6th grade my class adopted a soldier to send packages and letters to.  I was the only student who continued to write and send packages, and when our soldier returned home he made a trip to Florida to meet me and my mom.  We all ended up forming a special bond and he has always considered me his little sister and my mom his "other mom".  He is VERY protective of me and hated every boy I dated, until he met my now husband!  I believe that "choosing your family" is the best thing to do.  I have a very small family and without my "voluntary kin" I would be lost.

(This is a picture of my husband (left), me, and my brother Ricky!)