Blog 13

Take a few minutes and watch this video:

Adoption is very close to my heart, as I was adopted myself.  There are SO many children out there that in need of a loving forever home.... so what's all the fuss from so many people about having issues with lesbian and gay couples adopting?  As we learned in this weeks lesson, children who are raised by lesbian or gay parents are NO different from children who are raised in heterosexual homes.   I came across this video clip of an interview with a lesbian couple, who already has a son and are on the waiting list for a new baby girl or boy!  The ladies in the video say that they have been extremely lucky throughout their whole relationship an through the decisions to have children together... they report having no hostility.  Why can't all lesbian and gay couples be treated with the same respect?  It takes a big heart to adopt a child.  The couple in this interview say that their motivation comes from having a family where they can offer something for a child and give them a loving home to grow up in.  Isn't that what it's all about?  Providing for and loving a child in a healthy home for the rest of their life?  So props to the community where this couple and their family live for being SO accepting of their love and their decisions.

Blog #12

I did not grow up being taught to see the color of people's skin.  It still bothers me to this day when people are judged simply because of what color their skin is.
My best friend is half white and half Mexican.  She has always dated black men, and has always been treated differently because of it.  We are from a very small southern town, where many people still uphold old southern beliefs.  My friend has been called countless names because of her past dating history...to black men.  As I pointed out she is half white and half Mexican...  If she dated a white man would she be labeled?  What if she dated a Mexican man?
I have another close friend who is black.  Everytime I have introduced her to new people they respond with "..but she's so 'White'."  (talking about the way she acts,speaks,dresses,etc.)  But what is 'white'?  and, Why is she acting in some stereotype of skin color?  Why can't she just be identified as her?

(My two amazing friends!)

I don't think this 'belief' that white women should only date white men or Asian women should only date Asian men, etc., will ever be okay with me.  The color of someone's skin should not be judged or discriminated against.  My hope is that one day everyone will take off their blinders, and only see people for who they are, who they fall in love with... not the color of their skin.

Conflict

Conflict can arise from anything at anytime between anyone!

It's one of those things that NOBODY likes, but it CAN'T be avoided.... However... it can be 'fixed'!
There are many different ways to come to some type of conclusion over conflict including negotiation, compromising, and simply talking it out.  It is very important for communication to remain open and both parties to remain calm.
In the family... it is important for Mom and Dad to settle their conflicts in a positive manner that sets a good example for their children.  Yelling and fighting may be how parents feel like dealing with conflict, but what kind of lesson does that teach the youngins?
In the work place ... it is important for colleagues to recognize that when they are resolving issues with other employees or even a boss that they are in the work place and rules need to be followed.
In any situation where conflict occurs it should be dealt with in an adult-like manner while anyone and everyone involved remains open and listens to all sides.
Solving a conflict can be a very simple task if it is gone about in the right way.


(Photo found on:  http://gayletabor.com/archives/are-your-conflicted-6-steps-to-conflict-resolution/)

Feminist Theory

Empowerment

After this weeks lecture, readings, and videos I have decided to focus this blog post on the importance of empowerment that was emphasized in both our class lecture and the lecture given by Whitney Shadowens.  Dr. Smith told us in our weekly lecture that the feminist theory is: "An analysis of women's subordination for the purpose of finding out how to change, specifically to empower women."  Whitney Shadowens made a point of how important it is for women to gain empowerment when dealing with IPV.  She told us women who are victims of IPV don't need to be told one way to fix their problems, but they need to be able to go to a safe place to talk about what they are going through and have someone listen, without giving their 'two cents'.  These victims need to given different options of changing their situation and inevitably need to choose which method works best for their individual experience.
Each and every woman is different so it is important to realize that no two women will be going through the exact victimization of IPV.  Whitney also listed different reasons of why women do not leave their abusive relationships.  Some reasons were: shame, fear, shared children, denial, and lack of financial resources.  Depending on the reason for staying, each woman will handle her situation differently.  My step-sister was unfortunately a victim of domestic violence.  She wanted to leave but two reasons kept her in the relationship.... 1) She was fearful of her safety and what might happen if she just decided to leave one day.  2)  She and her then husband have three kids together.  At the time two of their children had moved out for college and the third was a Senior in high school, still living at home.  She feared that uprooting her son or leaving her son would interfere with his final year in high school and his future in college.  She feared that her family would fall apart.  She feared that her sons might blame her for everything.
After counseling and having someone there to listen to her and give her many different options she finally gained the courage to leave her situation.  All three of her sons are in college or working now, and she is happily living on her own with no fear, no shame, and no guilt to bear every day.

(photo retrieved from: http://transgenderlawcenter.org/archives/9392)

Social Exchange Theory

   Rewards, Rewards, Rewards 

   As we all know from experience each and every one of our relationships involves a little give and a little take.  As individuals we crave rewards in our lives.  We gain these rewards by making decisions that result in happiness.  Everyone has different standards of 'rewards' and everyones standards can change with time.  All relationships come with both rewards and costs.  When we first enter into new relationships we weigh out the rewards and costs for the short term, and typically the long term as well.  Many people ask themselves if there is a chance of having a better relationship with someone else or if this is the relationship they deserve.  I want to discuss the Social Exchange Theory in relation to the beginning of a relationship using my husband and I as an example.

     I am from America and he is from England... we met while he was studying abroad at the University of Florida.  The initial thought for us both was basically is it worth it to start a relationship together knowing that after that school year he would have to return back to England (as he has one year left of school at his English university.)  We had to think if the rewards of our relationship would outweigh this particular negative cost of it.  Another thing that crossed my mind was if the relationship would be 'one way'.  I worried that when he returned to England there was a chance that I would put in all of the effort of keeping the relationship alive and making the plans to see each other (however I was wrong!).  We also had to take into account that at the end of his stay at UF would we continue our relationship in two different countries or would we just end it to save the heartache?  Would it have been a waste of a year?  We had to determine the the pros and cons of starting our relationship before we got too serious... and luckily we both decided the pros outweighed the cons and we made it official!  Here we are now as newlyweds both putting in the effort and love our relationship needs to succeed.  We have both had to make sacrifices throughout our relationship: being apart in two different countries with a five hour time difference, keeping the spark alive through the phone and video chatting, to now being in England away from friends and family, but I wouldn't want to be anywhere else.   In our unique situation the rewards of our relationship have outweighed the costs and now we are one happily married couple! 

(Our first picture together in the Swamp the week we met!)

(Every time I'm in America he randomly sends me sunflowers- my favorite! to surprise me!)

Ecological Models of Human Development

I have been in bed sick all week watching re-runs of old shows I used to love when I was growing up.  One of the shows I have been re-watching is 7th Heaven.  No matter how old I get every episode of 7th Heaven seems to teach me a lesson or open my eyes about something.  One particular episode I came across seems to tie into what we are covering in class this week.  If you have never seen 7th Heaven it is a family show about the Camden's, where dad is a Minister, and mom is a stay at home mom to five kids (two on the way at the moment).  The dad, Eric, is always 'fixing' people and their problems and they both seem to always have a 'feeling' when something is going bad.  

In the episode that ties in to this weeks lesson, Eric's son Simon is in middle school and has a new girlfriend.  His girlfriends Ex-boyfriend, Johnny, gets quite jealous and comes to Simon at school one day threatening to shoot him with a 33 special, and gestures with a fake hand gun.  At the same time there is a new video game out called BOOM BOOM that all of the kids are playing where they shoot and blow people up.  Eric calls the school about the threat and is told that nothing can be done until the next day and that he should probably not worry because 'they are only in middle school', 'it probably sparked from the video game', and he is probably just trying to 'scare Simon to break up with his girl'.  After getting a police friend involved Eric finds out that the boy Johnny has a record that the school somehow over looked.  They take a trip to Johnny's house to confront him and his parents about it only to find that Johnny lies about everything and his father denies everything.  It is evident that Johnny's father is consumed with his work and does not see that his child is struggling and does not pick up on any signs that he could hurt himself or someone else.  His room is full of warning signs like pictures of people hurting animals, dark comic books, etc.  His dad goes to meet with the school and denies everything saying they are just accusing his son for no reason, and that he has to get back to work and leaves... showing there has not been any previous parent/teacher/school board relationships.  In the end, Johnny goes the church with his fathers gun and shoots the Minister in the shoulder and running away.  The cops get him to confess and he is then sentenced to live in a juvenile type place under guidance of the law until he is 25.  

(Sorry for the long read!)  This story shows how everything in an individuals surrounding environment affects them.  If Johnny had received more attention at home or even at school from his teachers maybe this would not have happened.  If his father had been more involved in Johnny's life, less in his work like, and more with Johnny's school, maybe this would not have happened.   If Johnny had not been obsessed with the BOOM BOOM video game, maybe he would not have gotten the idea to actually play with a gun.  Now obviously this could have easily still been the outcome from Johnny, but if things played out differently in his environment and his personal life, maybe it would have been different.  

Like Branches on a Tree

Like Branches on a Tree

Ernest Burgess said that the family is a "unity of interacting personalities" in 1926.  He went on to say that the family is a living, growing "super personality".  This weeks blog will focus on these statements and how the 'whole is greater than the sum of the parts'.  The "I" in Family shows that a family is a whole but it is a whole made up by different individuals.  Every individual family member is their own person with their own personality and role in the family structure, but each individual in the family is also interdependent, depending on other family members in different ways.  The following quote is something that stood out to me for this particular theory:  

"Family is like branches on a tree, we all grow in different directions, yet our roots remain as one."

This, to me, means:  Each individual family member grows to become their own person and may go a different direction than the rest of the family, but their roots go all the way back to their family. And while they are their own person they still depend on their family member just as branches on a tree depend on the trunk and other branches.

Here is a picture of a tree:  

At first glance, we look at trees as a whole.  But take a closer look..  A tree is made up of many different branches, visible to everyone.  Each individual branch may have different leaves or be of different lengths, representing that each individual family member is different with different personalities. Underneath the ground are the trees roots, which are not visible to everyone.  These roots are tangled into one, representing the family as one whole functioning 'system'.  

A bunch of individual branches and roots make up the component parts of a tree but when they are not attached to each other they are of no significance and are dead.  However, when they are all together as a living tree, they represent wholeness....They represent the family as a whole.  

References for pictures:

http://thisistherealstuff.files.wordpress.com/2013/03/quotes-for-family.jpg

http://www.lushland.co.uk/content/image/love-tree.jpg